What might be gained, or lost, by diving into the wreckage of one’s past? And what might one learn about herself, and those closest to her, in the process? This perceptive and darkly funny novel takes up these questions in multiple ways, conveying the dangers and possibilities of such a venture.
At the center of the novel is Alex Maas, a features writer for a Washington, D.C.-based lifestyle magazine. When Alex’s brother, Owen, tells her that their mother, Adeline, has died unexpectedly (apparently, from an accidental overdose on pain meds), Alex returns to her hometown reluctantly, having long been in conflict with both Owen and her mom.
Alex sees Owen as never having grown up, despite his early potential. Although he has a Ph.D., he works at Staples and still lives in his and Alex’s childhood home, which he’d shared with Adeline until her death. In keeping with this Neverland-ishness, he continues to enjoy comic books and video games, and, unlike Alex, seems unembarrassed to be seen in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle car that he won from a local comic store. (Michalksi’s writing about this car, and many other aspects of the siblings’ lives, is hilarious.)
Alex is even more critical of her mother, for multiple reasons. Described by Alex as “the Cookie Monster of impulse control,” Adeline seemed more interested in her own needs than those of her children, and she “had a way of taking credit for [Alex’s] successes while diminishing them at the same time.”
But the major reason for the rift between Alex and her mother and brother is that, years before, Adeline took up with a man who was dangerous in more ways than one. And neither she nor Owen wanted to face up to the trauma that this man caused Alex in particular. Though Adeline parted ways with him long before her death, she never apologized to Alex for defending him instead of protecting her.
Despite this, Alex had kept in minimal contact with Adeline, not sure whether she was doing so out of guilt or out of hope that her mother would eventually become “the mother she’d always wanted.” But as shown in some flashbacks, there were times when Adeline was a positive, if not motherly, figure in Alex’s life. Michalski writes insightfully about these moments, and about the complications in Alex and Adeline’s relationship, in a way that feels nuanced and real.
The troubled history with her mother and Owen isn’t the only reason Alex is apprehensive about being back in her hometown. Her first love, Juliette Sprigg, never left it, eventually making a name for herself as the chef-owner of a highly praised farm-to-table restaurant. Alex is drawn to reconnecting with Juliette, despite her unresolved feelings about their relationship, which ended with high school. They’d had different ideas about what their future would look like, as a couple. Moreover, Juliette–who has a devoutly Christian, homophobic mother–had been reluctant to come out. Yet Alex still has feelings for Juliette, who was the only person who came to her defense and supported her emotionally when her mother wouldn’t.
Alex decides to confront these feelings directly by pursuing an assignment that her boss at the D.C.-based magazine had been wanting someone to take on: interviewing Juliette for a profile of her and her restaurant. When Alex reconnects with Juliette for her work on the profile, it soon becomes clear that the old chemistry between the two women hasn’t gone anywhere. There’s also the sense that they could still have a future together. But the fact that Juliette is married is just one hurdle in the way of such a future. Another hurdle is Alex’s doubts, and all the ways in which the women have and haven’t changed since high school. Again, Michalski does a great job of conveying the complications and gray areas of relationships, and the difficulties of navigating them.
One navigational aid is Alex and Owen’s Aunt Johanna, who in the wake of Adeline’s death flies into town from Seattle, for only the second time Alex can remember. During her first visit, Johanna described herself as “Auntie Androgyne,” and years later, Alex came to understand that Johanna had transitioned from a man to a woman.
Johanna seems to offer Alex the kind of support her mother rarely did, and she helps Alex work through her feelings about Adeline and Owen, instead of trying to bury her emotions. As Johanna tells Alex at one point, “You never divorce your family–they’re always in you. … The only way you can know yourself is to learn who your family is.”
Significantly, Johanna seems to be the only connection to Alex and Owen’s father, who left when Alex was four and then dropped off the radar. Over the course of the novel, Alex uncovers a truth that alters her perception of him, and of her parents’ relationship and what happened to it. It also makes her understand that her father didn’t simply abandon the family. The story line regarding him and Johanna is fun and moving, and it upends things in ways that both surprise and make complete sense.
A figure who has nothing to do with Alex’s past, but who might play a role in her future, is Carolyn Pusey, a newspaper editor Alex approaches about finding a photographer for the magazine piece. Soon, she and Carolyn are spending more time together, in a way that begins to feel like something more than a friendship. But Alex has misgivings about getting more serious with Carolyn, misgivings connected to her feelings for Juliette and her sense that now isn’t the time to embark on a new relationship. After a moment when Alex and Carolyn connect over their mutual admiration of Adrienne Rich’s collection (and poem) “Diving into the Wreck,” Alex thinks, “You came here to explore the wreck … [n]ot the mermaids.”
Alex’s struggles to figure out what love really is–and whether she’s actually experienced it, even with Juliette–ring true beyond the novel, as does this observation that Johanna shares with her:
By the end of the novel, it seems that Alex might have taken these words to heart. And her dive into the wreckage of her past, for all the challenges she experiences on the way, seems to make a real difference. It also makes for a story of depth, humor, and revelation.
Would My Pick be Your Pick?
If you're interested in ________, the answer may be "Yes":￭ Stories of family conflicts, and confronting them
￭ Romance novels or romantic stories
￭ Comic novels
